I want to say so many things. All of them will be awkward. None of them will be enough.

I want to say so many things. All of them will be awkward. None of them will be enough. Some will be downright wrong and I will look back one day in horror at my ignorance.⠀

⠀

But the only thing worse than speaking all these wrong things, is saying nothing at all.⠀

⠀

George Floyd's death, and the incomprehensible murders of others in the black community, have galvanized people around the world in a way that hasn't been seen in decades.⠀

⠀

The pain and suffering right now feels almost biblical in size. ⠀

⠀

The level of socially acceptable, institutional racism in this world is gut-wrenching. And it has been for centuries, but right now there is a captive audience. Thank God. We are ready for change.⠀

⠀

So the questions that continue to rise are...How do we as a society dismantle this? I know it starts with me. What can I do to have the most impact? ⠀

⠀

Further, no question it will take more than a generation, so how do I ignite this air-like need for change in my kids? They understand ‘saving the planet’ but how can I get them to speak with the same fervor about ‘black lives matter’ that they do about turning off the bathroom lights? Again, it starts with me.⠀

⠀

As with so many other things in my life, when I know better, I do better. I am going to begin by educating myself and my girls. And that looks like a complete overhaul on my bookshelf and in my social feed. Even within our human sphere of influence. That last one is hard to admit.⠀

⠀

I need to learn and teach a new vocabulary. I need to accept the embarrassment of having to look up new words like ‘BIPOC,’ ‘tokenism,’ even understanding the full scope of ‘anti-racism.’ ⠀

⠀

I need to be ok with feeling ashamed about having to ask the right person the answer to something I feel that as a self-described empath, I should already know. ⠀

⠀

I need to read books, watch images and internalize pain that doesn’t go down easily, because it is confronting the self-serving, structural racism within which I was raised, simply by being born white and privileged.

I am far too unqualified to begin to share any resources. But I have been voraciously reading, scrolling and reflecting on what it means to be anti-racist and pursue action in my desire to change.

This feels really bad to talk about. But I cannot begin to imagine what it might feel like to be afraid to walk outside my front door or even fall asleep in my own house.

There is some big, systemic work to be done to stop this from happening over and over again. It’s a massive undertaking. But I also know that there are actions both big and small that start with me.

I pledge to do them. Share them. Become them. Do everything I can to ensure my actions are in pursuit of weaving this country together, one thread at a time.